1 00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,549 "MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:09,550 --> 00:00:11,931 AND NOW YOU'VE SEEN IT. 3 00:00:11,932 --> 00:00:12,972 THAT'S A TATTOO? 4 00:00:12,973 --> 00:00:13,973 IT LOOKS LIKE A BIRTH MARK 5 00:00:13,974 --> 00:00:15,635 YOU COLORED IN. 6 00:00:15,636 --> 00:00:17,637 IT'S A SEXY LITTLE DEVIL. 7 00:00:17,638 --> 00:00:19,059 YOU KNOW, AN ENDEARING MEMENTO 8 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,640 OF AN EARLIER TIME IN MY LIFE. 9 00:00:20,641 --> 00:00:22,643 WHAT I LIKE TO CALL "THE TEQUILA YEARS." 10 00:00:23,814 --> 00:00:24,814 YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE LASERS. 11 00:00:24,815 --> 00:00:26,236 YOU CAN GET THAT REMOVED. 12 00:00:26,237 --> 00:00:27,817 YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE THIS WAY. 13 00:00:27,818 --> 00:00:30,360 WELL, JOE CALLS IT MY LITTLE PRE-EXISTING CONDITION. 14 00:00:30,361 --> 00:00:31,611 HE REALLY LIKES IT. 15 00:00:31,612 --> 00:00:33,783 YEAH, IT'S PROBABLY LIKE A MILE MARKER FOR HIM. 16 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,955 YOU KNOW, "I'M ALMOST THERE!" 17 00:00:35,956 --> 00:00:37,617 - ( door opens ) - HEY. 18 00:00:37,618 --> 00:00:39,789 SO, I'M LATE FOR A CLIENT. WANT TO KNOW WHY? 19 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,211 OH GOOD, I'LL TELL YOU. 20 00:00:41,212 --> 00:00:42,462 SO I'M PULLING OUT OF THE PARKING LOT, RIGHT? 21 00:00:42,463 --> 00:00:43,963 AND THIS CRAZY WOMAN RAMS INTO ME AND KNOCKS 22 00:00:43,964 --> 00:00:45,755 - THE BUMPER OFF MY CAR. - ARE YOU OKAY? 23 00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,797 YEAH, I'M JUST PISSED OFF. SHE DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE OR ANYTHING. 24 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,629 SHE FLIPPED ME OFF AND DROVE AWAY. 25 00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:51,801 I LOOKED INTO HER EYES. IT WAS PURE EVIL. 26 00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:54,974 LIKE STARING AT THE DEVIL. 27 00:00:54,975 --> 00:00:56,676 IT HAUNTS YOU, DOESN'T IT? 28 00:00:56,677 --> 00:00:58,638 IT REALLY DOES. JOKE'S ON HER THOUGH, 29 00:00:58,639 --> 00:01:00,850 BECAUSE I TOOK A PICTURE OF HER LICENSE PLATE, 30 00:01:00,851 --> 00:01:01,941 SO BUSTED! 31 00:01:01,942 --> 00:01:03,643 NOW WE'RE TALKING. TEXT ME THAT PIC 32 00:01:03,644 --> 00:01:04,814 AND I'M GONNA GET SOME OF MY POLICE CONTACTS 33 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,065 TO TRACK DOWN THIS LUNATIC. 34 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,318 SHE HIT YOU, SHE HIT ME. 35 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:09,989 OH, BABY, YOU GOT MY BACK. 36 00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:12,072 OH, YEAH. OUR LOVE IS LIKE ITS OWN LITTLE MAFIA. 37 00:01:13,194 --> 00:01:14,784 ALL RIGHT, WELL, THERE. IT'S SENT. 38 00:01:14,785 --> 00:01:17,367 NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO HEAD BACK OUT TO THE GARAGE 39 00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:18,958 TO TRAIN MY CLIENT. I GOT TWO WEEKS 40 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:20,960 TO TURN THIS 300-POUND DENTIST INTO A RIPPED ADONIS 41 00:01:20,961 --> 00:01:22,792 BEFORE HIS UKRAINIAN BRIDE GETS HERE, 42 00:01:22,793 --> 00:01:26,086 SO, YOU KNOW, EVERY SECOND COUNTS. 43 00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:28,548 I HATE RECKLESS DRIVERS. 44 00:01:28,549 --> 00:01:30,970 THEY ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH. THEY ARE MY... 45 00:01:30,971 --> 00:01:32,342 HAIRDRESSER. 46 00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:34,634 - WHAT? - YEAH, I KNOW THIS LICENSE PLATE. 47 00:01:34,635 --> 00:01:37,137 "I KUT 4 U." IT'S CALISTA. 48 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:38,518 THE CALISTA? 49 00:01:38,519 --> 00:01:39,889 YES, THE MAGICAL CALISTA. 50 00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:41,891 THE BEST COLORIST A WOMAN COULD ASK FOR. 51 00:01:41,892 --> 00:01:44,394 I LIST HER AS AN EMERGENCY CONTACT. 52 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,986 OH, MAN, IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO QUIT SEEING HER. 53 00:01:46,987 --> 00:01:48,938 HUH, YOU SAY? 54 00:01:48,939 --> 00:01:50,570 YOU ARE DROPPING HER, RIGHT? 55 00:01:50,571 --> 00:01:52,992 I MEAN YOU JUST TOLD JOE "SHE HIT YOU, SHE HIT ME." 56 00:01:52,993 --> 00:01:54,113 ( chuckles ) COME ON. 57 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,826 THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE SOMETHING I'D SAY. 58 00:01:56,827 --> 00:01:58,288 ( theme music playing ) 59 00:01:58,289 --> 00:02:00,580 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE ♪ 60 00:02:00,581 --> 00:02:02,373 ♪ STUCK WITH ME ♪ 61 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:08,628 AUNT MEL, YOUR HAIRDRESSER HIT JOE'S CAR AND DROVE OFF. 62 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,590 YOU CAN'T GO BACK TO CALISTA AFTER THIS. 63 00:02:10,591 --> 00:02:14,424 YOU HAVEN'T HAD THE AWFUL HAIR EXPERIENCES I'VE HAD. 64 00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,306 YOU SAY THAT LIKE YOU'VE BEEN TRAUMATIZED. 65 00:02:16,307 --> 00:02:17,807 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, 66 00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:20,560 SLINKING FROM ONE HAIRDRESSER TO THE NEXT. 67 00:02:20,561 --> 00:02:22,812 JUST LONELY, DIRTY, DESPERATE, 68 00:02:22,813 --> 00:02:25,064 AND THEN YOU FIND CALISTA, 69 00:02:25,065 --> 00:02:27,897 AND SHE TAKES YOUR HAIR IN HER HANDS, 70 00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:30,731 AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. 71 00:02:32,983 --> 00:02:34,194 BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE KILLED ANYBODY. 72 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,825 NOT A MURDERER? 73 00:02:35,826 --> 00:02:38,198 REALLY, THAT'S WHERE YOUR BAR IS? 74 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,779 CALISTA IS AN ARTIST. 75 00:02:39,780 --> 00:02:41,781 AND ARTISTS DON'T HAVE TO LIVE BY OUR LITTLE RULES. 76 00:02:41,782 --> 00:02:43,042 SHE DESERVES MY LOYALTY. 77 00:02:43,043 --> 00:02:45,455 OH, SO YOU HAVE HEARD OF THE CONCEPT. 78 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:46,786 YOUR LOYALTY SHOULD BE WITH JOE. 79 00:02:46,787 --> 00:02:48,378 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 80 00:02:48,379 --> 00:02:50,590 BUT LET ME HANDLE THIS IN MY OWN WAY. 81 00:02:50,591 --> 00:02:52,502 - STUPID JOE. - EXCUSE ME? 82 00:02:52,503 --> 00:02:55,215 STUPID JOE STALIN. 83 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,387 WHAT HE DID TO THOSE PEASANTS? 84 00:02:57,388 --> 00:02:59,220 YEAH, LOOK IT UP. 85 00:03:00,391 --> 00:03:02,012 ( school bell rings ) 86 00:03:04,895 --> 00:03:06,105 Mr. McKay: ALL RIGHT. 87 00:03:06,106 --> 00:03:08,898 SINCE I DIDN'T MEET A SUGAR MAMA THIS WEEKEND, 88 00:03:08,899 --> 00:03:11,231 I'M STILL TEACHING. ( chuckles ) 89 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:13,983 AND WE'RE STARTING A NEW UNIT. 90 00:03:13,984 --> 00:03:16,156 - "ASEXUAL REPRODUCTION" - ( door closes ) 91 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,869 SOMETHING MANY OF YOU WILL LEARN TO LIVE WITH 92 00:03:19,870 --> 00:03:21,821 IN YOUR STUDIO APARTMENTS AFTER COLLEGE. 93 00:03:21,822 --> 00:03:24,123 HEY, STELLA, CAN WE TALK FOR A MINUTE? 94 00:03:24,124 --> 00:03:26,286 UH, ARE YOU IN MY CLASS? 95 00:03:26,287 --> 00:03:27,917 JUST... JUST FOR A MINUTE. 96 00:03:27,918 --> 00:03:30,500 RYDER, I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU. WE BROKE UP. 97 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:31,921 WE DIDN'T HAVE TO, OKAY? 98 00:03:31,922 --> 00:03:34,093 IT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING, WHICH I WILL EXPLAIN. 99 00:03:34,094 --> 00:03:35,965 YOU KNOW, THIS IS MY DREAM... 100 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,797 MOODY TEENS WORKING OUT THEIR PERSONAL PROBLEMS 101 00:03:37,798 --> 00:03:38,888 ON MY TIME. 102 00:03:38,889 --> 00:03:40,930 GET OUT. 103 00:03:40,931 --> 00:03:42,932 OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT. 104 00:03:42,933 --> 00:03:44,054 OKAY. 105 00:03:46,807 --> 00:03:47,937 NOW THEN, 106 00:03:47,938 --> 00:03:51,312 BACK TO THE POETRY OF THE LONELY LOVELESS SPORE. 107 00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:04,574 HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 108 00:04:04,575 --> 00:04:06,326 I CAN'T FIND THE DAMN CORKSCREW. 109 00:04:06,327 --> 00:04:10,670 THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU LEFT IT IN THE BATHROOM. 110 00:04:10,671 --> 00:04:14,133 YEAH, THAT'S THE BATHROOM CORKSCREW. 111 00:04:14,134 --> 00:04:16,546 NATURALLY. 112 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,298 HEY, WHAT DID THOSE POLICE CONTACTS SAY 113 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:19,879 ABOUT THAT CRAZY WOMAN WHO SMASHED INTO MY CAR? 114 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,221 OH, FUNNY COINCIDENCE. 115 00:04:22,222 --> 00:04:24,644 YOU'RE GONNA LAUGH. 116 00:04:24,645 --> 00:04:28,017 TURNS OUT THE WOMAN WHO TAPPED YOUR BUMPER... 117 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,980 YEAH, TAPPED, DEMOLISHED. 118 00:04:30,981 --> 00:04:34,814 ...IS MY GENTLE DARLING OF AN ANGEL HAIRDRESSER CALISTA. 119 00:04:34,815 --> 00:04:36,526 "GENTLE ANGEL"? 120 00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:39,198 HONEY, SHE SMASHED INTO MY CAR AND THEN GAVE ME THE FINGER. 121 00:04:39,199 --> 00:04:40,610 ( laughs ) 122 00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:42,902 CLASSIC CALISTA. 123 00:04:42,903 --> 00:04:44,994 OH, COME ON. WHAT PART OF THAT IS NOT HILARIOUS? 124 00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:46,786 I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU'RE GONNA DEFEND THIS HIT-AND-RUN FELON. 125 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,788 YOU KNOW, I DID A LITTLE RESEARCH ONLINE. 126 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,210 IT'S GONNA COST $800 TO REPLACE THAT BUMPER. 127 00:04:51,211 --> 00:04:53,212 SO I GUESS I'LL JUST BE TURNING EVERYTHING OVER TO THE POLICE 128 00:04:53,213 --> 00:04:54,794 - AND MY INSURANCE COMPANY. - NO NO NO NO NO NO. 129 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,215 TURN IT OVER TO ME. 130 00:04:56,216 --> 00:04:57,627 YEAH, I'LL TALK TO CALISTA AND CONVINCE HER 131 00:04:57,628 --> 00:04:59,008 TO PAY YOU WHAT SHE OWES YOU. 132 00:04:59,009 --> 00:05:00,800 I DON'T KNOW. 133 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,632 COME ON, LET ME TRY. 134 00:05:02,633 --> 00:05:04,595 I'LL MAKE THE LITTLE DEVIL DANCE FOR YOU. 135 00:05:07,688 --> 00:05:09,139 YOU GOT 24 HOURS. 136 00:05:11,271 --> 00:05:14,394 HEY, CAN YOU HELP ME WITH SOME GIRL STUFF? 137 00:05:14,395 --> 00:05:16,776 YOU MEAN GIRL STUFF OR GIRL STUFF? 138 00:05:16,777 --> 00:05:18,438 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? 139 00:05:18,439 --> 00:05:20,700 WELL, ONE KIND OF STUFF IS: "EW, ASK GOOGLE HEALTH, 140 00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:22,071 YOU FREAK." 141 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:25,655 AND THE OTHER KIND IS" "I'M A CHICK, WHAT'S THE DRAMA?" 142 00:05:25,656 --> 00:05:28,037 OKAY, SO I REALLY WANT TO GET STELLA BACK, 143 00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:30,910 AND I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS APOLOGY TEXT ALL MORNING. 144 00:05:30,911 --> 00:05:32,211 GET STELLA BACK? 145 00:05:32,212 --> 00:05:33,793 DUDE, YOU SLEPT WITH HER 146 00:05:33,794 --> 00:05:34,954 AND THEN SHE READ THE BREAK-UP NOTE 147 00:05:34,955 --> 00:05:36,166 YOU WERE PLANNING ON GIVING HER. 148 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:38,337 IT AIN'T HAPPENING. 149 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,629 HOLD ON. 150 00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:42,221 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO APOLOGIZE FOR A WEEK, 151 00:05:42,222 --> 00:05:43,803 BUT SHE AVOIDS ME AT SCHOOL, 152 00:05:43,804 --> 00:05:45,465 SHE WON'T ANSWER HER PHONE, 153 00:05:45,466 --> 00:05:47,226 SO CAN YOU JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THIS 154 00:05:47,227 --> 00:05:49,639 AND TELL ME IF IT'S HEARTFELT ENOUGH? 155 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,230 YEAH. 156 00:05:51,231 --> 00:05:52,472 "HEY, STEL. 157 00:05:52,473 --> 00:05:55,935 W-N-T-T-A-T"? 158 00:05:55,936 --> 00:05:58,067 "WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS." 159 00:05:58,068 --> 00:06:01,861 YOU LADY KILLER, YOU. 160 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,653 WAIT, SO IT... SO IT'S GOOD? 161 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,364 NO. 162 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,617 COME ON, RYDER. STELLA WAS REALLY HURT. 163 00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:08,788 YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT TO GET HER BACK, 164 00:06:08,789 --> 00:06:10,119 YOU NEED TO GO BIG. 165 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,951 YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING IMPRESSIVE 166 00:06:11,952 --> 00:06:14,794 AND GRAND AND ROMANTIC. 167 00:06:14,795 --> 00:06:16,205 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. YEAH. 168 00:06:16,206 --> 00:06:18,297 SO LIKE BUY HER A ZOO MEMBERSHIP? 169 00:06:18,298 --> 00:06:20,339 WHAT? NO. 170 00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:22,762 BUT THEY JUST GOT A MANATEE. 171 00:06:22,763 --> 00:06:23,923 YOU'RE HOPELESS. 172 00:06:23,924 --> 00:06:26,506 HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A ROMANTIC COMEDY? 173 00:06:26,507 --> 00:06:27,637 YEAH. 174 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,969 I MEAN, NOT ALL THE WAY THROUGH. 175 00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:30,811 ALL RIGHT. WELL, WATCH A FEW. 176 00:06:30,812 --> 00:06:32,472 AND HANG IN THERE UNTIL THE END, 177 00:06:32,473 --> 00:06:33,973 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE GUY FIGURES OUT WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO. 178 00:06:33,974 --> 00:06:36,315 JUST DO THAT. IF STELLA'S WORTH IT TO YOU. 179 00:06:36,316 --> 00:06:37,977 SHE IS SO WORTH IT. 180 00:06:37,978 --> 00:06:40,860 I WOULD SIT THROUGH FIVE DREW BARRYMORE MOVIES. 181 00:06:40,861 --> 00:06:43,784 START WITH ONE, OKAY? YOU DON'T WANT TO PULL ANYTHING. 182 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,618 - JOE, GREAT. - YEAH? 183 00:06:48,619 --> 00:06:50,620 THIS IS FOR YOU. 184 00:06:50,621 --> 00:06:52,201 WHAT IS THIS? 185 00:06:52,202 --> 00:06:53,994 CASH? 186 00:06:55,626 --> 00:06:56,797 $400. 187 00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:00,920 FOR LAST NIGHT, HUH? 188 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,301 VERY FUNNY. 189 00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:04,133 I TALKED TO CALISTA ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR CAR, 190 00:07:04,134 --> 00:07:05,885 AND SHE ADMITTED SHE HANDLED IT POORLY. 191 00:07:05,886 --> 00:07:08,177 POORLY, CRIMINALLY. 192 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,809 WELL, WHEN SHE BARELY TAPPED YOU, 193 00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:11,551 SHE HAD JUST GOTTEN A CALL FROM THE PARAMEDICS 194 00:07:11,552 --> 00:07:13,262 THAT HER MOTHER WAS BEING TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL 195 00:07:13,263 --> 00:07:14,393 AND SHE WAS UPSET. 196 00:07:14,394 --> 00:07:15,765 YOU KNOW, VERY UPSET. 197 00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:17,396 OH MY GOSH. IS HER MOM GONNA BE OKAY? 198 00:07:17,397 --> 00:07:18,978 YEAH, IT WAS JUST INDIGESTION, 199 00:07:18,979 --> 00:07:20,770 BUT IT TURNS OUT HER MOM'S LIKE A BIG DRAMA QUEEN. 200 00:07:20,771 --> 00:07:22,401 "LOOK AT ME. I'M IN AN AMBULANCE." 201 00:07:22,402 --> 00:07:24,774 ANYWAY, I TOLD HER HOW MUCH THE REPAIRS COST, 202 00:07:24,775 --> 00:07:26,776 AND SHE WAS VERY SORRY. THAT'S THE FIRST HALF, 203 00:07:26,777 --> 00:07:27,827 SHE'LL GET YOU THE REST NEXT WEEK. 204 00:07:27,828 --> 00:07:29,448 HUH. 205 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,870 I DIDN'T THINK THAT CALISTA WOULD STEP UP 206 00:07:30,871 --> 00:07:32,201 AND DO THE RIGHT THING. 207 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,573 I GUESS I MISJUDGED HER. 208 00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:36,166 I GUESS YOU DID. LESSON LEARNED, HUH? 209 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,789 AND THE LESSON IS MEL ALWAYS WINS. 210 00:07:39,790 --> 00:07:41,671 HEY, THAT'S MY PURSE. 211 00:07:41,672 --> 00:07:43,673 OH, RELAX, I'M STEALING MONEY FOR TEXTBOOKS. 212 00:07:43,674 --> 00:07:44,964 IT COULD BE MUCH WORSE. 213 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,797 WELL, YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND ANY CASH IN THERE. 214 00:07:47,798 --> 00:07:49,719 OH, WELL, THERE WAS CASH IN HERE 215 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,800 NOT TOO LONG AGO. 216 00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:51,801 ACCORDING TO THIS ATM RECEIPT, 217 00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:54,143 YOU WITHDREW $400 AT 8:30 THIS MORNING. 218 00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:55,805 NEXT TIME, GET A WARRANT. 219 00:07:55,806 --> 00:07:57,647 THAT MONEY WAS FOR JOE. 220 00:07:57,648 --> 00:07:59,308 I TOLD HIM I SPOKE TO CALISTA 221 00:07:59,309 --> 00:08:00,810 AND WORKED OUT THE WHOLE FENDER BENDER THING. 222 00:08:00,811 --> 00:08:02,441 AND THAT SHE'D PAY HALF NOW, HALF LATER. 223 00:08:02,442 --> 00:08:03,863 HALF NOW. 224 00:08:03,864 --> 00:08:06,195 YOU PAID JOE OFF AND TOLD HIM IT WAS CALISTA'S MONEY? 225 00:08:06,196 --> 00:08:07,276 THAT'S NOT RIGHT. 226 00:08:07,277 --> 00:08:09,529 SHH. I CAN'T LOSE CALISTA NOW. 227 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,030 OKAY? I'M GONNA SEE HER LATER. 228 00:08:11,031 --> 00:08:12,612 SHE'S GONNA BE DE-BRASSING MY HIGHLIGHTS 229 00:08:12,613 --> 00:08:13,823 FOR THE MAYOR'S BANQUET. 230 00:08:13,824 --> 00:08:15,114 AUNT MEL, DON'T YOU THINK 231 00:08:15,115 --> 00:08:17,416 YOU'RE IN KIND OF A MORALLY GRAY AREA HERE? 232 00:08:17,417 --> 00:08:20,790 AS LONG AS I CAN KEEP IT FROM BECOMING A MORALLY GRAY AREA UP HERE, 233 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:21,922 I'LL BE FINE. 234 00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:33,052 CALISTA, HI. 235 00:08:33,053 --> 00:08:34,894 I'M SORRY, ARE YOU A CLIENT? 236 00:08:34,895 --> 00:08:36,225 I'M A VICTIM. 237 00:08:36,226 --> 00:08:37,897 REMEMBER, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT BACKED YOUR CAR 238 00:08:37,898 --> 00:08:39,478 - INTO ME THE OTHER DAY. - THAT WAS YOU? 239 00:08:39,479 --> 00:08:41,310 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - WELL, I JUST WANTED TO COME HERE 240 00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:42,902 AND PERSONALLY THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID. 241 00:08:42,903 --> 00:08:44,774 WELL, YOU HAD IT COMING. 242 00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,776 I DID. I DID. 243 00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:49,649 - HEY, HOW'S YOUR MOM? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 244 00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:51,781 WELL, I KNOW SHE CAN BE A BIT OF A HYPOCHONDRIAC. 245 00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:53,322 SHE LIKES TO COMPLAIN A LOT. 246 00:08:53,323 --> 00:08:54,954 WELL, SHE HASN'T COMPLAINED MUCH 247 00:08:54,955 --> 00:08:56,536 IN THE FIVE YEARS SINCE SHE DIED. 248 00:08:58,208 --> 00:09:00,620 - SHE WHAT? - SHE DIED. 249 00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:02,622 WHAT ARE YOU HERE TO TORMENT ME OR SOMETHING? 250 00:09:02,623 --> 00:09:04,463 I JUST CAME HERE TO THANK YOU FOR THE $400. 251 00:09:04,464 --> 00:09:06,465 I THOUGHT IT WAS VERY BIG OF YOU TO OWN UP AND START TO PAY FOR THE DAMAGES 252 00:09:06,466 --> 00:09:08,968 - THAT YOU DID TO MY CAR. - I DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY $400. 253 00:09:08,969 --> 00:09:11,762 I DON'T WHERE YOU GOT THAT CRAZY IDEA. 254 00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:15,014 HEY, GUYS. 255 00:09:15,015 --> 00:09:16,806 MEL? 256 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,808 DID YOU TELL ME THINGS THAT WEREN'T TRUE? 257 00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:21,310 IN A THOUSAND YEARS, 258 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,853 WILL ANY OF IT REALLY MATTER, JOE? 259 00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,775 WHOA. 260 00:09:25,776 --> 00:09:26,946 THIS IS JOE? 261 00:09:26,947 --> 00:09:29,779 THE ONE YOU CALLED A NARCISSISTIC MEATHEAD? 262 00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:32,191 ( laughs ) 263 00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:34,954 I SAID THAT ONE TIME. IT WAS WEEKS BEFORE WE STARTED DATING. 264 00:09:34,955 --> 00:09:37,406 YOU TOLD HIM THAT I APOLOGIZED? 265 00:09:37,407 --> 00:09:39,198 I HAVE NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR. 266 00:09:39,199 --> 00:09:40,790 YOU PARKED OVER THE LINE, 267 00:09:40,791 --> 00:09:43,372 AND I GAVE YOUR HEAP A LITTLE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT. 268 00:09:43,373 --> 00:09:44,665 BIG WHOOP. 269 00:09:45,796 --> 00:09:47,627 YOU KNOCKED THE BUMPER OFF MY CAR. 270 00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:50,209 OH, I'VE KNOCKED THINGS OFF OF WAY NICER CARS THAN YOURS. 271 00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,632 TAKE A HIKE, ROAD RAGE. 272 00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,634 I'D BE HAPPY TO, RIGHT AFTER YOU OPEN THIS THING UP 273 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,716 AND PAY ME WHAT YOU OWE ME FOR THE DAMAGES. 274 00:09:56,717 --> 00:09:57,807 YOU LAY ONE HAND ON THAT TILL, 275 00:09:57,808 --> 00:09:59,849 AND I WILL TRIM YOU LIKE A BONSAI TREE. 276 00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:01,641 OH, GUYS GUYS. COME ON. 277 00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:02,852 WE CAN WORK THIS OUT. 278 00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:04,644 ABSOLUTELY, MEL. I TOTALLY AGREE. 279 00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:05,855 EVERYBODY? EXCUSE ME. 280 00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,106 CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? 281 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,527 HI. YEAH, THIS WOMAN RIGHT HERE? 282 00:10:08,528 --> 00:10:10,109 HIT-AND-RUN FELON. CRASHED INTO MY CAR, 283 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,901 AND NOW SHE'S TRYING TO TRIM PARTS OF ME. 284 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:12,942 THAT'S RIGHT. I SUGGEST YOU GRAB 285 00:10:12,943 --> 00:10:14,033 YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS 286 00:10:14,034 --> 00:10:15,785 AND LEAVE THE PREMISES RIGHT NOW. 287 00:10:15,786 --> 00:10:17,036 EVERYBODY, SIT DOWN. 288 00:10:17,037 --> 00:10:18,367 THIS IS A CRAZY MAN. 289 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,159 HE'S OFF HIS ROCKER AND OFF HIS MEDS. 290 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,951 LOOK, I'LL CALM HIM DOWN. JUST HOLD MY CHAIR. 291 00:10:21,952 --> 00:10:23,873 - I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. - NO NO NO NO. YOU WON'T. 292 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,955 CONSIDER YOURSELF BANNED. 293 00:10:25,956 --> 00:10:27,917 FOR LIFE. 294 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:29,008 BANNED FOR LIFE? 295 00:10:29,009 --> 00:10:31,210 YOUR BOYFRIEND HURT ME, YOU HURT ME. 296 00:10:31,211 --> 00:10:32,752 BUT MY HAIR, IT'S ONLY HALF DONE. 297 00:10:32,753 --> 00:10:34,133 YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE LEAVING WITH YOUR HEAD. 298 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,805 - NOW GET OUT. - ( stammers ) 299 00:10:35,806 --> 00:10:37,216 BUT MY HAIR! 300 00:10:37,217 --> 00:10:38,637 MY HAIR DID NOTHING. 301 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,640 MY HAIR IS AN INNOCENT VICTIM. 302 00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:46,605 BOBBY'S MOM HAS BLUE EYES. 303 00:10:46,606 --> 00:10:48,107 BOBBY'S DAD HAS BLUE EYES, 304 00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:50,609 BUT BOBBY HAS BROWN EYES. 305 00:10:50,610 --> 00:10:51,862 WHAT'S THAT TELL US? 306 00:10:52,983 --> 00:10:54,033 BASED ON OUR KNOWLEDGE OF GENETICS, 307 00:10:54,034 --> 00:10:55,775 WE CAN SAY WITH NEAR CERTAINTY 308 00:10:55,776 --> 00:10:58,328 BOBBY'S MOM SLEPT AROUND. 309 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,080 WHOA WHOA WHOA. EXCUSE ME. 310 00:11:01,081 --> 00:11:02,952 OH, SORRY, MR. MCKAY, 311 00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,624 BUT THIS IS MY GRAND GESTURE, 312 00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:08,207 SO IT'LL JUST TAKE ONE MINUTE AND NINE SECONDS. 313 00:11:08,208 --> 00:11:09,548 EH, GO AHEAD. 314 00:11:09,549 --> 00:11:11,590 I NEED A NEW STORY FOR THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE. 315 00:11:11,591 --> 00:11:12,792 - ( guitar music playing ) - Ryder ( through stereo ): ♪ Listen up ♪ 316 00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:14,633 ♪ I'll make this snappy ♪ 317 00:11:14,634 --> 00:11:17,797 ♪ I only wanna make you happy ♪ 318 00:11:17,798 --> 00:11:20,059 ♪ I treated you kinda crappy ♪ 319 00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:22,222 ♪ Though I don't want to sound too sappy ♪ 320 00:11:26,226 --> 00:11:27,767 ♪ The terminology ♪ 321 00:11:27,768 --> 00:11:29,188 ♪ Of this apology ♪ 322 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,770 ♪ Here in Biology ♪ 323 00:11:30,771 --> 00:11:32,772 ♪ Is embryology ♪ 324 00:11:32,773 --> 00:11:34,194 ♪ Whoa ♪ 325 00:11:35,776 --> 00:11:36,946 ♪ Yeah ♪ 326 00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,618 ♪ A love once torn ♪ 327 00:11:39,619 --> 00:11:41,781 ♪ Is now reborn ♪ 328 00:11:41,782 --> 00:11:44,623 ♪ If the lovely Stella ♪ 329 00:11:44,624 --> 00:11:47,207 ♪ Forgives this fella ♪ 330 00:12:07,347 --> 00:12:08,809 ( sighs ) 331 00:12:12,813 --> 00:12:14,113 WELL... 332 00:12:14,114 --> 00:12:15,444 GOOD NEWS IS THIS IS PROBABLY 333 00:12:15,445 --> 00:12:16,616 THE LOW POINT IN YOUR LIFE. 334 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,200 ( school bell rings ) 335 00:12:26,206 --> 00:12:27,957 THAT WAS VERY SWEET. 336 00:12:27,958 --> 00:12:29,789 SHE'S LUCKY TO HAVE A GUY 337 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,832 WHO'D HUMILIATE HIMSELF IN PUBLIC FOR HER. 338 00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:34,835 THAT'S HOW I DO. 339 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:43,973 HEY, HOW IS EVERYTHING IN THERE? 340 00:12:43,974 --> 00:12:44,974 WILL HER HAIR LIVE? 341 00:12:44,975 --> 00:12:46,225 I DON'T KNOW. 342 00:12:46,226 --> 00:12:48,387 THOSE CHEMICALS WERE ON HER HAIR A REALLY LONG TIME. 343 00:12:48,388 --> 00:12:50,019 I AM ON MY THIRD BOTTLE OF HOT OIL, 344 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:54,153 BUT IT'S NOT TAKING. HER HAIR IS REJECTING THE MOISTURE. 345 00:12:54,154 --> 00:12:55,985 WELL, DO SOMETHING, LENNOX. 346 00:12:55,986 --> 00:12:57,606 DAMN IT, JOE. I AM A STUDENT, 347 00:12:57,607 --> 00:12:58,948 NOT A COSMETOLOGIST. 348 00:12:58,949 --> 00:13:00,159 I CAN'T WORK MIRACLES. 349 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,951 Mel: HURRY, LENNOX! 350 00:13:01,952 --> 00:13:03,782 IT'S BREAKING OFF IN CLUMPS! 351 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,115 I WOULD GO BACK TO CALISTA, BUT SOMEBODY GOT ME BANNED. 352 00:13:06,116 --> 00:13:08,828 YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT SOMEONE IS YOU, JOE. 353 00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,619 MM-HMM. YEP. I'M THE BAD GUY. 354 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,872 BECAUSE I'M THE ONE THAT ALLOWED MY CAR TO SIT PARKED IN A LOT 355 00:13:12,873 --> 00:13:14,373 WHILE CALISTA RAMMED INTO IT, 356 00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:15,794 AND THEN, ON TOP OF THAT I HAD THE NERVE 357 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,377 TO BELIEVE MY GIRLFRIEND WHILE SHE LIED TO MY FACE. 358 00:13:18,378 --> 00:13:19,628 I AM AWFUL. 359 00:13:19,629 --> 00:13:20,970 ( sighs ) 360 00:13:20,971 --> 00:13:22,471 JOE, YOU KNOW, HAIR IS A REALLY 361 00:13:22,472 --> 00:13:23,802 TOUCHY SUBJECT FOR WOMEN. 362 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,555 ALONG WITH WEIGHT, AGE, 363 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,637 APPEARANCE, SKIN, 364 00:13:28,638 --> 00:13:30,139 - MOODS... - LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK. 365 00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:32,101 IT'S ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE OF THINGS. 366 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,603 RIGHT IS RIGHT. 367 00:13:38,198 --> 00:13:39,859 THE UNIVERSE IS PUNISHING ME, JOE. 368 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,820 THROUGH MY HAIR. 369 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,202 YOU KNOW WHAT? PLEASE LEAVE. 370 00:13:43,203 --> 00:13:45,824 I JUST... I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE ME LIKE THIS. 371 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,036 MEL. 372 00:13:47,037 --> 00:13:48,287 COME ON, HONEY. 373 00:13:48,288 --> 00:13:49,788 ( stammers ) 374 00:13:49,789 --> 00:13:51,210 IT'S NOT THAT... 375 00:13:51,211 --> 00:13:53,213 THAT BAD. 376 00:13:57,377 --> 00:14:00,379 - IT'LL GROW BACK. - NOT BEFORE THE MAYOR'S BANQUET TOMORROW. 377 00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:01,630 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT GOING TO THAT BANQUET 378 00:14:01,631 --> 00:14:04,633 OR ANYWHERE ELSE PEOPLE HAVE EYES. 379 00:14:04,634 --> 00:14:07,226 IT'S LIKE I'M NEVER GOING ANYWHERE EVER AGAIN. 380 00:14:07,227 --> 00:14:08,228 ( crying ) 381 00:14:10,270 --> 00:14:12,021 YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY? 382 00:14:12,022 --> 00:14:14,853 YOUR... YOUR SKIN LOOKS GREAT. 383 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,936 AND ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, 384 00:14:16,937 --> 00:14:18,027 YOUR MOOD IS... 385 00:14:18,028 --> 00:14:19,569 IS PRETTY GOOD TOO. 386 00:14:27,537 --> 00:14:29,949 LOOK, JOE, THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE AUNT MEL FEEL BETTER 387 00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,370 IS FOR YOU TO APOLOGIZE TO CALISTA 388 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,621 SO SHE'LL TAKE HER BACK. 389 00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:34,043 THERE'S A THOUSAND OTHER HAIRDRESSERS OUT THERE. 390 00:14:34,044 --> 00:14:35,334 CAN'T SHE JUST PICK ANOTHER ONE? 391 00:14:35,335 --> 00:14:37,206 OKAY, DO YOU REMEMBER 392 00:14:37,207 --> 00:14:38,627 WHEN YOUR REGULAR MECHANIC, HEINRICK, 393 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,209 WAS AWAY AND AUNT MEL SAID, "JUST TAKE THE NOVA 394 00:14:40,210 --> 00:14:41,880 TO THE QUICKIE LUBE," AND YOU TURNED PURPLE 395 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,342 AND YOU COULDN'T SPEAK? 396 00:14:43,343 --> 00:14:45,344 YEAH, THAT WAS A CAR. 397 00:14:45,345 --> 00:14:47,887 HAIR IS A WOMAN'S CAR. 398 00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:51,271 OH MY GOD. I FEEL SO TERRIBLE NOW. 399 00:14:52,472 --> 00:14:53,933 OKAY. ALL RIGHT, FINE. 400 00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,394 I'LL GO DOWN THERE. 401 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,775 BUT I'M NOT GONNA GROVEL, ALL RIGHT? 402 00:14:56,776 --> 00:14:57,856 I'M GONNA GO IN THERE, I'M GONNA PLAY HARDBALL. 403 00:14:57,857 --> 00:14:59,108 NO, YOU'RE NOT. 404 00:14:59,109 --> 00:15:00,109 YOU'RE GONNA BE A GROWN-UP, 405 00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:01,400 AND I'M COMING WITH YOU. 406 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,232 TO WHAT? KEEP A LEASH ON ME? 407 00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:05,444 NO, JUST TO KEEP A STRONG LEATHER STRAP AROUND YOUR NECK 408 00:15:05,445 --> 00:15:07,866 AND YANK IT IF YOU GET OUT OF LINE. 409 00:15:07,867 --> 00:15:10,489 OH, I GUESS THAT IS KIND OF LIKE A LEASH, HUH? 410 00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:11,491 ( doorbell rings ) 411 00:15:13,994 --> 00:15:16,205 - HI. - HEY. 412 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:18,087 CAN WE TALK? 413 00:15:18,088 --> 00:15:19,628 YEAH. YEAH, OF COURSE. 414 00:15:19,629 --> 00:15:22,631 LISTEN, UM, I'M SORRY THAT I EMBARRASSED YOU AT SCHOOL. 415 00:15:22,632 --> 00:15:24,803 I CAN DO THE SONG A LOT BETTER NOW ACTUALLY. 416 00:15:24,804 --> 00:15:26,805 I PUT THE CARDS ONTO A POWERPOINT, 417 00:15:26,806 --> 00:15:28,007 SO... 418 00:15:28,008 --> 00:15:29,468 COME IN. COME ON. 419 00:15:29,469 --> 00:15:31,220 UM... 420 00:15:31,221 --> 00:15:32,641 LOOK. 421 00:15:32,642 --> 00:15:36,185 RYDER, WHAT YOU DID WAS REALLY REALLY SWEET. 422 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:38,147 I WAS JUST CAUGHT OFF GUARD. 423 00:15:38,148 --> 00:15:40,019 LOOK, WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE BROKEN UP. 424 00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,360 OKAY? 425 00:15:41,361 --> 00:15:42,861 ALL THAT STUFF THAT YOU READ ON MY COMPUTER, 426 00:15:42,862 --> 00:15:44,523 I WROTE THAT WHEN I THOUGHT 427 00:15:44,524 --> 00:15:46,195 YOU WERE TRYING TO PUSH ME AWAY. 428 00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,197 GUESS I KIND OF WAS. 429 00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:51,200 I'M SORRY, BUT IT'S LIKE YOU SAID IN YOUR LETTER, 430 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,871 SOME THINGS JUST AREN'T MEANT TO BE. 431 00:15:52,872 --> 00:15:54,623 UH, JOE WROTE THAT PART. 432 00:15:54,624 --> 00:15:57,126 HE'S GOT A LOT OF ISSUES. 433 00:15:57,127 --> 00:15:59,788 RYDER, IT'S NOT YOU, OKAY? 434 00:15:59,789 --> 00:16:01,920 IT'S... MY BABY. 435 00:16:01,921 --> 00:16:03,462 THAT... 436 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,963 THAT IS A NEW VERSION OF THAT. 437 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,796 - ( sighs ) - ( Isabel crying ) 438 00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:10,639 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST... 439 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,801 I'M NOT IN A PLACE EMOTIONALLY RIGHT NOW 440 00:16:12,802 --> 00:16:14,894 WHERE I CAN OPEN UP TO A BOYFRIEND. 441 00:16:16,686 --> 00:16:19,188 BUT IF I HAD THE TIME AND SPACE IN MY LIFE 442 00:16:19,189 --> 00:16:21,190 FOR A GROWN MAN, 443 00:16:21,191 --> 00:16:22,362 IT WOULD BE YOU. 444 00:16:26,606 --> 00:16:27,947 GOOD-BYE, RYDER. 445 00:16:35,205 --> 00:16:37,206 OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 446 00:16:37,207 --> 00:16:39,208 I'M GONNA BE OKAY. 447 00:16:39,209 --> 00:16:40,789 I'M GONNA BE OKAY. 448 00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:42,621 FIRST THING I GOTTA DO 449 00:16:42,622 --> 00:16:45,215 IS STOP TALKING TO MYSELF. 450 00:16:48,838 --> 00:16:51,010 ( inaudible ) 451 00:16:53,803 --> 00:16:55,634 OUT OF MY SHOP, ROAD RAGE, 452 00:16:55,635 --> 00:16:58,016 OR I WILL COME AT YOU WITH RAZOR BLADES AND LEMONADE. 453 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,900 - LOOK, LADY... - REMEMBER. GROWN-UP. 454 00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:04,443 CALISTA... ( chuckles ) 455 00:17:04,444 --> 00:17:07,276 LISTEN, WE BOTH CARE ABOUT MEL. 456 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:10,199 OKAY? THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I CAN'T REALLY HELP HER OUT RIGHT NOW. 457 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,202 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS THOSE MAGIC HANDS THAT CAN HEAL. 458 00:17:13,203 --> 00:17:15,364 SO WHAT DO YOU SAY WE JUST ACT LIKE GROWN-UPS, 459 00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:17,656 PUT OUR DIFFERENCES ASIDE AND FOCUS ON MEL? 460 00:17:17,657 --> 00:17:18,787 OKAY? 461 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,709 CAN YOU... CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE? 462 00:17:20,710 --> 00:17:22,211 NOT IF HELPING HER 463 00:17:22,212 --> 00:17:24,923 MEANS HELPING YOU. 464 00:17:24,924 --> 00:17:27,045 I'M ASKING YOU NICELY. 465 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,928 AND I'M REJECTING YOU WITH ATTITUDE. 466 00:17:29,929 --> 00:17:32,512 SHE SEEMS TO HAVE SAID NO. 467 00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:35,514 YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE IF I TALK TO HER. 468 00:17:35,515 --> 00:17:37,766 HEY, CALISTA. 469 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:40,099 LOOK, I JUST THINK YOU AND JOE GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT, 470 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,980 AND WE CAME ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE... 471 00:17:41,981 --> 00:17:43,942 WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR? TO PULL HIS LEASH 472 00:17:43,943 --> 00:17:46,855 OR TO FIX THAT WRECK THAT'S ON YOUR HEAD? 473 00:17:46,856 --> 00:17:48,947 I GET A LOT OF COMPLIMENTS ON THIS HAIR STYLE. 474 00:17:48,948 --> 00:17:52,742 ARE YOU GOING FOR THE SLUTTY BALLERINA LOOK? 475 00:17:53,783 --> 00:17:55,864 SHE'S SO NOT EASY TO LIKE, RIGHT? 476 00:17:55,865 --> 00:17:57,286 OKAY. OKAY, SISTER. 477 00:17:57,287 --> 00:17:58,787 YOU WANT TO PLAY HARDBALL? 478 00:17:58,788 --> 00:18:00,619 THIS IS WHAT MEL LOOKED LIKE WHEN SHE LEFT YOUR SALON. 479 00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:01,790 - OH. - AND WITH ONE CLICK, 480 00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:02,791 I WILL INSTAGRAM THIS WITH THE CAPTION 481 00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:04,753 - "HAIR BY CALISTA." - OH! 482 00:18:04,754 --> 00:18:06,965 AND BY THE WAY, I HAVE OVER 10,000 FOLLOWERS. 483 00:18:06,966 --> 00:18:09,007 AND I'M HITTING SEND. 484 00:18:09,008 --> 00:18:10,469 WAIT WAIT WAIT. 485 00:18:10,470 --> 00:18:13,132 OKAY, HAVE HER COME IN AND I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 486 00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,553 - NO CHARGE. - NO CHARGE? 487 00:18:14,554 --> 00:18:16,215 FINE. NO CHARGE. 488 00:18:16,216 --> 00:18:17,476 4:00 TODAY. 489 00:18:17,477 --> 00:18:19,808 BUT HE'S BANNED FOR LIFE. 490 00:18:19,809 --> 00:18:21,930 ( mockingly groans ) 491 00:18:21,931 --> 00:18:23,982 ( mouths ) 492 00:18:23,983 --> 00:18:27,606 YOU KNOW, JOE? I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU. 493 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,937 YOU HANDLED OUR TRIP TO THE SALON 494 00:18:28,938 --> 00:18:31,029 WITH INCREDIBLE MATURITY AND RESTRAINT. 495 00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:33,612 DAMN STRAIGHT. WHO WANTS CONDITIONER? 496 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,783 HUH? 497 00:18:34,784 --> 00:18:36,155 WIPED THAT LADY OUT. 498 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,866 YOU DO KNOW THE SHAMPOO COMPANY 499 00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:39,198 GIVES THOSE AWAY TO EVERY SALON? 500 00:18:39,199 --> 00:18:41,620 LET ME JUST ENJOY THAT LITTLE VICTORY, OKAY? 501 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,791 IT'S ABOUT AS HAPPY AS I'M GONNA GET. 502 00:18:42,792 --> 00:18:44,373 WHY? WE WON. 503 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,875 I HAD TO SWALLOW A LOT TO GO DOWN THERE, ALL RIGHT? 504 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,507 YOU KNOW, THE LEAST THAT MEL COULD SAY IS "HEY, JOE, 505 00:18:48,508 --> 00:18:49,838 YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG." 506 00:18:49,839 --> 00:18:51,960 WHAT IS THIS OBSESSION YOU HAVE WITH BEING RIGHT? 507 00:18:51,961 --> 00:18:54,514 DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT OR DO YOU WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP? 508 00:18:55,805 --> 00:18:56,925 CAN'T I HAVE BOTH? 509 00:18:56,926 --> 00:18:59,719 YES, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO DATE YOURSELF. 510 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,602 HEY, THERE SHE IS. 511 00:19:03,603 --> 00:19:04,763 HOW'S THE... 512 00:19:04,764 --> 00:19:06,225 HOW'S THE PATIENT? 513 00:19:06,226 --> 00:19:09,188 YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE TALKING TO ME RIGHT NOW. 514 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,479 - I AM... - REALLY? 515 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:11,770 I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS. 516 00:19:11,771 --> 00:19:14,363 BECAUSE SOMEBODY HAS AN APPOINTMENT TODAY 517 00:19:14,364 --> 00:19:16,195 AT 4:00 WITH CALISTA. 518 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:18,777 AND SHE HAS PROMISED TO WORK HER MAGIC. 519 00:19:18,778 --> 00:19:20,038 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT, HUH? 520 00:19:20,039 --> 00:19:21,780 YOU WENT DOWN THERE? 521 00:19:21,781 --> 00:19:23,622 THANK YOU. 522 00:19:23,623 --> 00:19:25,414 WAIT, YOU DIDN'T HURT HER, DID YOU? 523 00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:26,785 NO, NO. LOOK, I WENT DOWN THERE 524 00:19:26,786 --> 00:19:28,046 BECAUSE IT WAS... 525 00:19:28,047 --> 00:19:29,878 IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. 526 00:19:29,879 --> 00:19:31,460 AW, YOU'RE THE BEST. 527 00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:32,791 MWAH. ( chuckles ) 528 00:19:32,792 --> 00:19:34,963 NOW LOOK, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO FOR ME. 529 00:19:34,964 --> 00:19:37,055 THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I NEED YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE. 530 00:19:37,056 --> 00:19:38,797 - YEAH, WHAT'S THAT? - ( clears throat ) 531 00:19:38,798 --> 00:19:40,219 WELL... 532 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,970 I NEED YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE... 533 00:19:41,971 --> 00:19:43,893 ( coughing ) 534 00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,608 THAT... 535 00:19:49,609 --> 00:19:51,770 YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE. 536 00:19:51,771 --> 00:19:53,943 BECAUSE YOUR BEAUTY COMES FROM INSIDE. 537 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,115 OR SOMEWHERE. 538 00:19:57,116 --> 00:20:00,619 AWW, JOE, THAT'S SO SWEET. 539 00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:03,622 AND YOU LIE SO MUCH BETTER THAN I DO. 540 00:20:03,623 --> 00:20:04,783 OH, WAIT. 541 00:20:04,784 --> 00:20:06,955 4:00? OH, OKAY. 542 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,628 YEAH, I BETTER GO BECAUSE I CANNOT MAKE CALISTA WAIT. 543 00:20:09,629 --> 00:20:10,790 THAT WOMAN HAS A TEMPER. 544 00:20:12,041 --> 00:20:14,833 I DIDN'T... I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT. 545 00:20:14,834 --> 00:20:16,795 ( groans ) 546 00:20:16,796 --> 00:20:18,887 YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. 547 00:20:18,888 --> 00:20:20,799 YEAH, I JUST SOLD OUT MY PERSONAL CONVICTIONS 548 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,220 TO KEEP PEACE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. 549 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,972 THAT'S LOVE. 550 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,054 IT'S NOT VERY SATISFYING. 551 00:20:26,055 --> 00:20:27,397 THAT'S LOVE. 552 00:20:31,190 --> 00:20:32,772 ( school bell rings ) 553 00:20:35,615 --> 00:20:36,775 HEY, RYDER. 554 00:20:36,776 --> 00:20:38,777 UM, SO I HEARD YOU AND STELLA 555 00:20:38,778 --> 00:20:41,450 ARE SORT OF OVER? 556 00:20:41,451 --> 00:20:44,283 YEAH, WE'RE WHAT YOU CALL "DONE." 557 00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:45,454 LISTEN, YOU LEFT THIS ON THE FLOOR, 558 00:20:45,455 --> 00:20:47,205 AND... 559 00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:48,827 I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT TO YOU. 560 00:20:48,828 --> 00:20:50,208 YEAH. 561 00:20:50,209 --> 00:20:51,790 TOSS IT. 562 00:20:51,791 --> 00:20:53,542 IT MOCKS ME. 563 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:56,214 NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 564 00:20:56,215 --> 00:20:59,678 I'M GIVING THIS TO YOU. 565 00:20:59,679 --> 00:21:01,800 NO. I MEAN, I'M DONE WITH THE SONG. 566 00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:03,882 SO THAT'S IT. 567 00:21:03,883 --> 00:21:07,596 I'M GIVING THIS... 568 00:21:07,597 --> 00:21:09,268 TO YOU. 569 00:21:11,851 --> 00:21:14,693 OHH. 570 00:21:14,694 --> 00:21:16,274 UH... 571 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,357 ALICE, RIGHT? 572 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:21,900 DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE ZOO SOMETIME? 573 00:21:21,901 --> 00:21:23,952 I HEARD THEY HAVE A NEW MANATEE. 574 00:21:23,953 --> 00:21:26,245 THEY DO.